Uncontrollable

20160416- Uncontrolable

Yes, I admit to have a problem, this is what anyone who really wants to face the problem and find a solution is supposed to do. I’ve already read a lot of books and articles related to this matter, writings made by people like you, Doctor, who earns their living giving advice to people like me, with “psychological deviations”, as you like to define. I know very well all that pile of rubbish, but the only thing I need is a bit of understanding and empathy from you!! That’s why I’m paying so much for your services, I mean. Let’s start from the beginning, as if I had just arrived here right now, just as if I hadn’t come here every Tuesday in the last five months. Let’s pretend that I haven’t spent the half of my salary in these damned psychological interviews. Let’s go!! :

Hi Doctor, pleased to meet you, my name is Peter and I have a problem which, of course, after several vitits/friendly chats, you’ll be able to treat and help me get over. My trouble could be summarized in that I have a reaction, an uncontrollable reaction, when I simply see any individual who is, according to my own criteria, overweight.  And the most curious thing is that, the higher overweigh of the person, the more abrupt, offensive and rude my reaction is. The only thing that, when I come across any overweight person, inevitably always springs up in my mind and, without any self-control, comes out of my mouth is: “Fat!!”  No matter whether is any stranger (a middle age builder, a small child going to the school …) or even any people I know (a friend, my uncle, even my father!!!), I always react in the same way: “Fat!!” And, as you can easily imagine, this curious anomaly brings a lot of annoyance.

After trying all kinds of solutions, such as looking away or trying to think in other thing when I hardly saw a fat coming down the street, I decided not to stifle the impulse and say the word (“Fat”) but in a low voice, whispering, or even just moving lips. However, despite my great effort (without any recognition, by the way) to prevent people realizing, they always managed to perceive in the expression of my face and in the movement of my lips what I was trying to transmit to the world: that, even though anyone dared to tell them, that people were fat.

Of course, I’ve never had anything against overweight people, who don’t deserve to be insulted in this way. In fact, hardly do I spew the insult out of my mouth, I immediately regret doing it and start suffering a terrible feeling of guilt. Then, in an attempt to compensate my behavior, I try to apologize, and as a consequence, what fat people usually hear from me when we come across is a pathetic mix of insult and apology: “Fat!!, sorry”.

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Uncontrollable

A tale of two cities

20160318- A tale of two cities

For working reasons, I’ve been living between two cities for more than 30 years and, consequently, sharing two parallel lives. In one city, I live with my family, whereas in the other I live as if I were a single man. Even though it was hard in the beginning, after a transient period, with the help of my family, I got used to this life. Since then, I’ve been doing quite well with my two parallel lives, changing from one to the other every two weeks. In fact, so well adapted to my especial situation I am, that I would have real trouble getting used to a normal life, if I had to do it.

However, some new circumstances have come up in my life, shaking everything around me. The matter is that I’ve been suffering memory problems lately, and what started being a series of small oblivions in the beginning has ended up being a real mess. This problem has become even more serious since I’m living between two different cities: I’m continuously mistaking one city for the other, mixing streets, squares, places of both cities into a unique fictitious city in my mind.

After a chaotic period in which I tried to overcome the difficulty without anyone realizing, I’ve managed to adapt to my new condition.  And now, I find myself carrying around a notebook (a blue or a red one, depending on the city) with all the essential information about the town, as if I were a tourist just arrived to my own city.

A tale of two cities